Cold hearted
by isyourcermetgoingtogrow
Summary: Tanya and Carlisle are usually very close friends but what happens when Tanya makes a terrible mistake? Eventual Tanya/Carlisle (but not smut) M for no reason other than im paranoid...


**A/N: No Carlisle/Esme yet and again...I just wanted it off my desktop...**

I kept running even though my chest hurt from panting so much. I couldn't stop sobbing and my vision was blurred with tears I couldn't cry.  
Suddenly someone collided with me, wrapping their arms around me.  
"Hey, what happened? Are you okay?" they asked gently, rubbing my back.  
I leant into them, needing the support. Suddenly I realised who it was.  
"What are you doing all the way over here?" asked the person I least wanted to see right now. I could already see the disappointment on his face. "Tanya, please say something."  
"I'm sorry," I choked out between gasps.  
"For what? Tanya it's okay-"  
"No it's not!" I cried. "I killed someone, Carlisle!" I expected him to push me away now.  
"That's okay, we all have slip ups." He didn't let go of me. "It's okay, Tanya."  
"N-no you don't understand," I whimpered as I pictured her body.  
"Understand what?" he asked.  
"S-she was just a child!" I wrenched away from him, not wanting to see the look on his face, and started to run again.  
"Tanya," out of nowhere he was on top of me, holding me down. "It's alright, calm down."  
Amazingly, he wasn't mad. I took a few slower breaths. He helped me sit up.  
"But I need you to think. What did you do with the body? Did you, um, sorry there's no nice way to put this," he smiled at me briefly, apology written all over his face. "Did you, ah, drain her enough so that she won't change…?" He bit his lip so I knew he was at least a little bit upset.  
I started sobbing again. "I couldn't- she-she-"  
"Shh, it's okay. Where is she then? Where did you last see her?"  
All I could think about the look one the girl's face and the fact Carlisle was holding my hand. He was warmer than me from years of drinking animal blood.  
"About seventy miles t-that way," I told him, pointing behind me. My voice shook.  
"We'll fix this Tanya, don't worry."  
"The kid-she was just a kid…"  
He helped me to my feet. "We'll talk about this on the way, okay?"  
"Wait, you're coming with me…?" I asked carefully, shocked.  
"Of course; I wouldn't make you do it by yourself." He squeezed my hand. I held onto it, knowing he probably wouldn't let it happen again. He liked Esme. Everyone knew that. He didn't love some murderer.

"I'm so sorry, but I was so thirsty; I haven't hunted in weeks and I was out with Garrett. He bolted away as soon as he smelt her but I couldn't stop myself. I pinned her down and started, um, you know," I couldn't say the words. My vision became foggy again. "But then she started crying and calling for her mother and she looked like- she looked like-" I broke down. He hugged me again, tighter than last time, almost as if he was trying to hold me together. It helped, sort of. "Carlisle there's something I've never told you, I haven't really told anyone…"  
"You don't have to, Tanya," he told me quietly. I wondered if he didn't want to hear it.  
"I need to," I begged him.  
"That's okay."  
I tried to keep my voice even. "B-before I was changed I had a child. Her name was Alison. She was six the last time I saw her. But that girl- she-" I failed at the no crying thing. "She looks so much like her I couldn't- it was like she was Alison. I couldn't do it, as soon as I saw here I couldn't take any more from her." I suddenly had another thought. "Carlisle, the Volturi. They'll kill them. They'll kill my coven. They'll think I made an immortal child on purpose and it won't matter to them that Garrett, Eleazar and Carmen weren't there when we had Sasha; they'll kill them all. It'll be my fault. They'll kill Kate- Even if they don't kill the others they may as well kill Garrett if they kill Kate. No. No no no no no no…" I sank to my knees, so scared I was unable to cry.  
He knelt in front of me. "Tanya, I promise I won't let that happen, but we have to find her. You need to show me where she is."  
"Okay," I whimpered, standing again.  
"It'll be okay," he repeated, wrapping his arm around my waist. I leant into him and started leading the way again.

After a while we picked up on her scent. I knew Carlisle smelt her too because he stiffened and held his breath. I don't think he was struggling; just taking a precaution. I covered my nose and mouth, trying to block out the intoxicating smell.  
"Stay here, okay?" he told me. I nodded. His eyes were darker than before.  
Soon the smell of the girl was drowned out by the suffocating scent of smoke. It burnt my eyes and made me want to cough even though I wasn't breathing it in.  
Carlisle came back a few minutes later. He refused to make eye contact with me so I reached for his hand again; a test to see if he was mad yet. He let me take. It shook. When I glanced up at him, I realised it wasn't anger on his face like it should be; he was upset, sad. I think that if he had been human he probably would have been crying.  
"I'm sorry…" I squeaked out. I would rather him be mad at me than upset like this. He didn't reply but squeezed my hand.  
We walked away but I wasn't sure where we were going.  
"Do you want to hunt?" he asked after what seemed like an eternity of silence.  
"I don't know…" I felt kind of sick but vampires didn't get nauseous.  
That made him smile. "Well, are you thirsty or are you not?"  
I realised he was teasing me. "Are you?" I avoided the question.  
He hesitated before answering. "To be honest I think I might puke if I tried to swallow anything." He nervously bit his lip again.  
"Sorry," I told him again, feeling worse by the second.  
He smiled again. "I didn't mean it like that." There was a pause then he started to say something but closed his mouth again.  
"What?"  
"Nothing," he mumbled, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Do you want to go home or do you want to come back with me?" He took my hand again, almost absentmindedly.  
"…You don't hate me..?" I cautiously clarified again.  
"Why would you think I would?"  
"Because I just- I just- I killed a child Carlisle! I'm screwed up!" I held back the tears again.  
"Well, maybe I'm screwed up too then." He wasn't looking at me as he spoke, more at something behind me.  
"And what have you ever done that's that messed up?!" I growled with misdirected rage.  
He fumbled his words, stuttering before falling quiet again.  
"Exactly." I crossed my arms, more mad at myself than at him. It wasn't his fault he was perfect.  
"…maybe I like screwed up…" he murmured softly  
_Not this screwed up,_ I thought to myself, sighing.  
"Where are we going?" he asked again, quieter now.  
I stepped closer to him, only just realising my hand was in his. "…I-I want to come with you…" I couldn't look at him.  
"Come on the." He slowly led me in the direction of their home.


End file.
